Baqar's Blog

 Part of me wants to learn Korean, while part of me is satisfied reading the subtitles. Part of me tells me to quit my job, but part of me tells me I need the money. Part of me tells me to start my own agency, whereas part of me wants to rest. Part of me seeks love and validation, though part of me believes isolation is independence. Part of me wants to crack a stupid joke; however, part of me is too reserved. Part of me wants to write this blog, yet part of me is fearful of what others think. Part of me knows there will be a reader; nonetheless, part of me argues on why that even matters. Part of me wants to move on — albeit part of me holds that memory dear. Part of me wants to pursue a Master's degree, despite part of me worrying about my wellbeing. Part of me wants life and time to stop — even though part of me hopes for something to happen. Part of me wants to part away, but it just can't.

I often wonder, when given the option to choose to travel to the past or to the future, why do I always choose the future? Is it because I had no regrets in my life? Is it because I am too excited about the future? Is it because I cannot face my past once again? Is it because going back to the past makes me look like a loser? Is it because choosing the future makes me look cooler? Or is it because I never made any memories worth looking back at?

I have always thought about the purpose of our existence and the staggering absurdity behind the workings of this world. Maybe we are all characters in a divine story. Maybe that is why we have wars. Maybe that is why there's injustice. Maybe that is why no one - no matter how hard they try - can foresee the future. Well, if we are actually a part of a heavenly theatrical performance, what would my role here be?  The main character? Too shy and cowardly for that.  A side character? Too absent for that.  A background extra? Too arrogant for that.  Maybe my existence transcends all these roles. Maybe I am a bookmark. A bookmark that forces you to stop, take a breather, and assimilate all that has happened to you before moving ahead.

And I got off the bus, half sleepy, half awake. While picking up my luggage from the upper compartments within the bus, the corner of my right eye caught a glimpse of a familiar face. He is a friend from college - he was a friend from college. Someone I knew, someone I hung out with. With a single image memories of a distant past flashed through my mind - all the times the ten of us were hung on the monkey bars within the park in front of our college, all the times we, the largest group in class, entered with pride, all the places we ate at, all the times we calculated who paid more or who paid less, all those Foosball tournaments and all those moments of joy. I was ashamed to face him. Looking at how I have fallen in these years, I no longer have the courage to stand in front of anyone who knew me. I am not a lost cause, but I am certainly not the person they used to know. Everything they admired, idolised, and praised me for is gone, replaced with traits, better or worse. I left the...

Back then I never understood the rebellious nature of some individuals. I was often motivated to believe that they were simply slackers in pursuit of euphoria without any effort. While some may desire this, most didn't. They were far more wiser than we were, and they pondered hours more on what we followed relentlessly. While we were flowing with the wind, following someone else's dreams religiously, they were carving their own destiny. While all have a wish to become someone, most realise too late that it was not their own dream they have been following. Ideas implanted within your mind, thoughts that aren't yours constantly chanted to you, opinions presented as prestigious norms, and yet under all this manipulation you daresay what you think is a product of your own consciousness.

 Entertainment is a topic my brain constantly revolves around, but what is entertainment? In our society, entertainment is more often than not perceived as a form of visual media - it could be television shows, YouTube videos, or Instagram Reels. Though it could also encompass other digital domains such as auditory media (music) or graphics (memes, aesthetics, etc.). However, this isn't the only thing. Entertainment could be any sports - or is that called passion nowadays - or outdoor activities such as concerts, travel, or food. But my stance is, is that all? As a society we have developed the notion that entertainment or enjoyment has to be something conspicuous, something clearly visible to the general public. It has to be evident. It has to be something flashy that others could see, evaluate and label as socially acceptable. However, if entertainment is meant to bring joy to an individual or a group of specific people, why should it undergo a senseless metric developed by s...